Why It's Important to Get Good at Being Alone

When you thought that you'd just mastered the skill of being social, the art of being alone comes in to play.

Most of us will have very different ideas as to how we feel about being alone. Some will relish in solitude and use the time without others very productively to engage in personal hobbies and take some time to relax. Others view being alone as their personal hell where the idea of being by themselves with just their thoughts to keep them company is likely to make them a bit agitated.

Since we were young, most of us were taught how to be as sociable as possible, and thanks to social media, we can now make our social spaces bigger than ever before. We can connect with people across the globe and learn new things that we perhaps wouldn't be able to without social media. It really is a powerful tool.

In a world that thrives on connectivity, it can feel scary to be alone. Credit: Glen Carrie

Social media sites like Facebook and Instagram allow us to share our lives in ways that were unimaginable before, and it can get quite addicting to tell the world about both the big things and the little things (breakfast posts I'm looking at you). It can seem at times like we've got our very own audience; social media can make us feel like little stars. Even when we're with other people out in the "real" world, many of us are still focused on social media. We're all characters. We're the main star of our own feeds with featuring side characters, if you will. We fight to hard to be avoid being isolated and alone, even without really thinking about it.

Isolating ourselves from friends and family is one thing, but it can seem even scarier to shut off from the online world, especially if you have a big online presence. When I really think about it, I feel that way too. The growing phenomenon known as 'FOMO' or 'Fear of missing out' has been growing for a reason: we're so effortlessly connected and kept in so many loops that we feel like we can't afford to take time off these platforms because of the fear that we'll miss out on something. We always want to be a part of something, and that can really take a toll on our metal health.

The constant pressure we set ourselves to keep on top of relevancy and keep ourselves 'in the now' means we run the risk of losing ourselves in the process. No, not the version we project onto our social medias. Our real selves. That's where good old-fashioned 'me time' comes in.

The Benefits of Being Alone

To set the record straight: there's a big and important difference between loneliness and aloneness. You can feel lonely anywhere — even in a crowd or a party, or with a group of friends. Often it's a lack of understanding and connection that triggers this feeling of loneliness with others, and it can hurt just as much as actually being by yourself when you just want someone there.

Voluntary 'aloneness' on the other hand can be very healing and relaxing. Numerous studies out there preach how important it is to make sure we get some time to ourselves, so that's pretty well understood. Researchers say that taking time to be alone can help us feel more creative, come up with fresh ideas, think more clearly, and aid our focus.

It gives us time to essentially live with ourselves and work to make sure we're as mentally and physically healthy as possible. When alone, we can listen to our bodies better, reflect back on things, and work on more pathways for success. Gregory Feist, Professor of Psychology in Adult Development at the University of California says that there's "a real danger with people who are never alone." You can't be in tune with yourself if you never have time to just be with yourself.

How to Approach Voluntary Aloneness

If you're an outgoing social butterfly that's always around friends and has no trouble striking up a conversation with literally anyone, this can be quite a challenge for you. This will also be the case if you feel like it's difficult to stay off of social media. Extended periods of isolation are definitely not for the feint of heart as they have been linked with emotional distress that can lead to a premature death, but small moments of time to yourself will do you a world of good if you let them.

1. Try not to be afraid of it.

   
   

Letting yourself be alone isn't as scary as it seems. You won't miss out on anything. You won't go crazy with your thoughts. It won't last forever; the bustling world you're used to will be there for you when you're ready to come back.

2. Take this time to learn about yourself.

Have there been any issues that you've put on the backburner recently? Have you checked in with yourself recently to see how you're feeling? Could you be doing something else to make yourself feel happier and healthier?

3. Catch up on things you might have missed out on whilst you've been busy.

Having personal hobbies is great and you might have not had the time to really spend some time on them recently. By indulging in aloneness, you can revisit these and maybe even try out some new ones.

4. Get some rest.

It can be exhausting to constantly power through your social battery, and this can be said even for huge extroverts. Relax, unwind, and find something to do allow yourself to rest. Learning to do this by yourself is a very important skill to have.

5. Virtually disconnect (if you can).

This can be anything from taking a break from social media to even resisting the urge to check your notifications throughout the day. A digital detox can help alleviate stress, help you sleep better, and feel more confident in yourself as you won't be constantly comparing your life to someone else's.

Find out more on this topic at: The surprising benefits of being alone - BBC Reel